Every Love Story Deserves a Wedding Ceremony That Wholeheartedly Celebrates them

If you've landed here because you're looking for an inclusive LGBTQIA+ wedding celebrant, welcome. I'm really glad you're here.

It is Pride in Brighton this weekend and I am SO EXCITED to celebrate with my friends at the infamous parade and then this evening, watching the incredible Self Esteem Jessie J and (gulp) RAYE perform. Celebrating friendship, allyship, love, identity, freedom, expression, community- it’s going to be an amazing weekend.

So, before we get into ceremonies, vows and wedding planning, I want to say something that feels important.

You shouldn't have to wonder whether you'll be welcomed. You shouldn't have to scan a website looking for clues. Or brace yourself for awkward questions. Or hope the person standing in front of you on your wedding day "gets it". Your energy is far better spent deciding whether you want a string quartet or a live artist capturing your dog, arguing over your first dance, or wondering if you can justify a tower of brie. (The answer is always yes to brie.)

Feeling safe, respected and celebrated shouldn't be another thing on your wedding planning checklist.

The best ceremonies don't start with assumptions

One of the reasons I became a celebrant is because I don't think love stories should have to squeeze themselves into someone else's script, it has to be a ceremony that fits them.

Every ceremony I write starts in exactly the same place. With questions and zero assumptions. How did you meet? Who made the first move? Who keeps buying houseplants despite overwhelming evidence that they cannot, in fact, keep houseplants alive? What does marriage mean to you? What do you want your guests to feel when they leave? Notice what isn't on that list.

I'm not wondering who's "the bride". I'm not assuming one of you is changing your surname. I'm not deciding who should walk down the aisle, who should speak first or what your relationship should look like. I'm interested in your story, how you want to tell it and how you both want to feel up there.

The little things matter

Sometimes it's the smallest details that tell you whether someone has really thought about inclusion.

My enquiry form includes a space for pronouns. I'll ask what names, pronouns and relationship terms you'd like me to use. If we're talking about your wedding online afterwards, I'll ask how you'd like your relationship to be described or whether you'd rather I didn't use any labels at all.

You'd be surprised how often couples tell me they've never been asked that before but it's simply part of getting to know you properly. Honestly it baffles me that this isn’t best practice across the board, so I’m not looking for a badge or a lollipop here, rather to highlight that this standard should be given - so it saddens and embarrasses me that it isn’t yet.

There isn't one way to have an inclusive wedding

Some couples embrace tradition. Some rewrite it entirely. Some walk down the aisle together. Some arrive from opposite directions. Some don't identify with either word ‘bride’ or ‘groom’ - cool, let’s find what work for you both!

Some wear dresses. Some wear tuxedos. Some wear sequins. Some wear boots. Some have chosen families standing beside them because those are the people who've loved them fiercest. Some are surrounded by huge, supportive families who have cheered them on from day one. Some are navigating complicated family dynamics with enormous courage.

Every one of those weddings is valid. And every one deserves a ceremony that reflects the people standing at the centre of it.

What allyship means to me

I don't see allyship as a badge you earn and pin to your website. It's something you practise. It means listening more than talking, using the language you use to describe yourself, being open to learning and getting things wrong occasionally, apologising if I do, and doing better next time.

It means recognising that language evolves, identities are personal and no two couples have the same experience. It means creating a space where you never feel like the "different" couple. Because you're just another couple planning a wedding, trying to decide whether to invite that cousin, wondering how long speeches should be, and hoping the British weather behaves itself.

Keep the traditions you love. Leave the ones you don't.

One of the biggest joys of a celebrant-led ceremony is that you get to choose.

Love the idea of walking in together? Let's do it. Want your gran to do a reading? Perfect. Fancy a handfasting? Wonderful. Want to celebrate with a shot of whisky, a tequila toast or a piece of music that means the world to you? I'm very much on board. There are no points for following traditions that don't feel like you.

The only thing that matters is creating a ceremony that feels honest.

If you're looking for inspiration, you might enjoy 10 Wedding Ceremony Rituals to Make Your Celebrant Ceremony Unforgettable or How to Personalise Your Wedding Ceremony.

If you're looking for an inclusive celebrant...

...I hope you find someone who makes you feel completely at ease from your very first conversation.

Someone who asks thoughtful questions. Someone who celebrates your relationship. Someone who writes a ceremony that could only ever belong to the two of you. Someone who owns it if they mess up, then gets right back down to the business of celebrating you full-heartedly. If that sounds like what you're looking for, I'd love to hear your story.

And if you're ready to start planning, you can find out more about me and my wedding celebrant ceremonies and get in touch.

I'd be honoured to help you create something that feels completely, joyfully yours (and can we circle back on that brie tower idea!?)